kate+speaks

i wish i had a blog dedicated to each aspect of my life, i have too many different things to talk about.

i should have separate blogs for the following: wedding planning, job hunting/career shit/design life, opinionated reviews, a bullshit sector, etc. etc.

so i’m trying to start a new routine. it involves waking up before 9 (thus the “morning person” attempts) eating a good breakfast, doing errands, job hunting online/making contacts, and sleeping around midnight.

currently i’m doing the “job hunting online” part of my day. its very easy to get discouraged looking for a job.

the hardest part is when you think you’ve found some kind of opening, but then you check your email every hour and nothing…………… days pass…………. nothing.

its so freaking draining.

right now i’m looking for internships in good places, paid or not, it doesn’t matter as long as i can get my foot through the door. a few days ago i sent an email to ReadyMade Magazine, it does not pay, but whatever… i need the experience that everybody wants.

i want to work already. i’m hungry for this shit.

i try to be hardcore, but still… the ending of “my girl” where mcully culkin dies gets me every time.

i’m trying to change from being a night person to being a morning person. so far its worked for a week, i should be sleeping according to my plans.

i have lived without air-conditioning all my life until i moved to sacto (where i definitely needed the air-conditioning) now i’m back to life without air-conditioning.

it sucks.

fall needs to come already. i don’t normally say things like that, but its true.

i’ve documented my life ever since the seventh grade, i have books & books of diaries and journals. i think thats why i blog so much, its my only outlet of keeping track of my life and thoughts. anyways, while cleaning up i came across this entry:

“11/06/2000

i had a dream i got dis-owned, scary ass dream.”

you might not think its funny but i couldn’t stop laughing, especially since thats all the entry said.

transitions are a difficult thing for me.

i want a job, the career, the life i’ve dreamed for myself. it is just so fking difficult to jumpstart it all, especially after feeling like i’ve missed a month of my life in another world. its like the world changed in august, i can’t explain. its little things, but they seem so significant. anyways….

now i’m in some weird transitioning phase where i’m going for broke, considered unemployed, and living at home separately from the man. ugh. fck i miss the comfort of being a student, as much as it stressed the hell out of me. all i had to worry about was going to school, doing my shit, and growing.

now money is going to run out soon and my anxiety is going to go through the roof if i don’t find some kind of gig soon.

ugh. there’s something out there………….

i hope……

in other news:

a list of stores i must avoid until i get a paycheck or miraculously run into some cash:

h&m – i hate you, you get better and better everytime, and now you have followed me into the south bay
heritage 1981 – you’re better than “forever” because you don’t sell ugly club clothes for hootchies
forever 21 – lets face it, you still supply 25% of my closet. i can’t leave you, probably on my 30th birthday–we’ll say goodbye.
zara – when i get a job, you will be the first store i step inside, you and your beautiful career-women clothes.
urban – your sales rack is so good to me, i never pay full price in your store.
no: mac, shoes, accesories, hair appointments, random dinners either….

transitions are hard…. but someday, i will make that money.

we’re back.

the trip was great, despite my complaints about cleanliness, lack of fresh air, constant eating of filipino food, yadda yadda. the trip was beautiful, even though it was probably the least amount of bowel movements i’ve ever had within a three week period.

now i just seem to be adjusting to the fact that i live back at home, i need a job, my money is going to run out, and i need to somehow find a way to find a place with the man in the bay.

but aside from all that…. this is coming!!!

and the season 4 starts on sept 27

btw… if you’re an “avatar: the last airbender fan” there’s a teaser on youtube from comicon, which is absolutely crazy, and the next season starts on sept 21st, finally.

correction: although i may not be the biggest fan of my native cuisine, i admit this: filipino dessert is THE SHIT. i will pick filipino desserts over pastries or chocolate or baked goods any day of the week.

i’m finally in my neck of the woods of the philippines, for the most part i’ve been with the man’s familia in pampanga.

its a nostolgic trip over here. damn philippines, gets me every time.

i miss my toilet in sac the most. i miss my toilet. no joke.

i miss you wonderful toilet in sacramento, the one my ass soley sits on, the one my digestive system can drop a deuce like its nothing. i miss you… you give me comfort that only we can understand.

you might not believe this, but filipino food is not one of my favorites. i’m saying this because its completely ironic and funny to me. i always ate it because it was there, but if i could choose… i’d eat something else.

terrible, isn’t it?

thanks to those who remembered.

anyone who forgot need not say anything, no apologies will be accepted, no “belated happy birthdays” either.

if you didn’t already say it, send it, text it, i really don’t want to hear it.

just the gesture of wishing “happy birthday,” by any means, is very important to me. so if you forgot, or have forgotten in the past, i usually remember.

i usually don’t hold grudges, but i remember how thoughtful people are when the gesture needs to be reciprocated.

24.

philippines is a trip.

24th birthday is coming up tomorrow. 809. email me. message me. comment. text me: +639266813823

for the first time ever i am actually excited to go to the philippines. i honestly never understood the hype as to why so many american-filipinos of my generation have so much fun there. my cousins and i are very distant, they are too intimidated to even engage in conversation with me. if they only knew that family is family to me. just cause i came to america and grew up here doesn’t make our blood any different. its sad really, and now we’re all too old to try and go back and change things.

my parents never took us anywhere but the malls. i don’t know about you, but i am not a size 2 and just because they sell only one size does not mean they can say “one size fits all.” i believe i’m a size 10 in the philippines. plus, why shop in a third world country when you can shop at home? not trying to be harsh–its the truth.

my mom is too over-protective to let us go to the clubs and my cousins are not the type to go. if we ever did go, it would be me and my sister followed closely by a few people who didn’t fit into the scene. when we tried to go without an entourage, my mom didn’t trust the driver of the night, who you bet–would definitely be drinking that night too. yeah, i didn’t trust ‘em either.

my mom claims that when she’s at home in the philippines she “just likes to stay home” which has been unfair to my sister and i. other families went to tagaytay, boracay, cebu, baguio, etc., not us. the last time we were there i told them straight up that it was unfair that they took us there and didn’t plan anything for us to do. so last time they actually made somewhat of an effort, took us to what i call the version of the “polynesian cultural center of the philippines,” villa escudero, and showed us the neighboring natural countryside of the town they grew up in. so it wasn’t until my last trip to the philippines that i saw some natural beauty.

now my mom tries to hype up the philippines, but it doesn’t work. my sister and i still aren’t convinced. the philippines is a vacation that isn’t a vacation to us. i think thats why i was so hesitant to go for this trip. everyone gets soo super excited when i tell them i’m going to philippines, but to me–its like going to a relative’s house where you do nothing great, you just go cause you kind of have to. yeah, sad.

i’m trying to be more mature about things and luckily i think we will be busy this visit, i’m going with jeff’s family instead of mine.

despite my reservations about visiting my homeland, which stems from neglect and complete boredom, i always look forward to the same things:

- sarsi, a really sweet root beer
- royal tru orange, a really sweet orange soda (i don’t even like soda)
- the smells of: burning foliage, baking pan de sal, sampagita (jasmine), diesel/gasoline smoke (from the tricycles and jeepneys, only in the philippines)
- nestle ice cream, for some reason its really really good here. really good.

so we’ll see. i’m glad to be leaving the country for a while.

later california, i’ll see you in 20.