kate+speaks

Once in a while CerritosAllStars throws out a mix of perfectly chosen RnB songs that will bring me back to middle and high school. Every time they play this I go all nostalgic:

I have decided that Jeff and I will dance to this as our first dance:

I can’t wait to get married.

So I was telling my friend at work, the other day, that I think that I am very different inside.

Inside… I am a heavily obese woman. Outside, on the surface, I manage to maintain my weight and I have some form of self-restraint. People have no idea how much I have to fight food cravings, or how much I really do appreciate and love food. I will pay for hyped up food, just to see if its worth all the hype. If I try to share the hype with other people I’m not satisfied until I find someone who can appreciate something as much as I do.

A lot of people say they love food, but in reality they really just love to eat. There is a difference. I love food, I love mixing textures, flavors, complimenting, pairing, and experiencing. If you love to eat, then you just love to eat anything, it doesn’t really matter.

I’m the type of person who always knows what I am going to eat next and where I am going to get it. Its a little obsessive, but its a good way to live. I’m telling you, I’m an obese woman inside.

Jabbawockeez finally added me as a friend on myspace (YES, I am a big big fan), for some reason they are exclusive and their profile is on private. The funny thing is I LOVE how there are thirteen year old girls blowing up their comments telling these guys how sexy they are. Its so terrible, haha. “Damn, I wish you were as old as me cause I’d hella jock your sexy ass.”

WTF, illegal….

I made everyone a little sad with the last blog.

SO… Laugh your ass off now… please:

I’m losing friends by the minute because of all different kinds of reasons and sadly their company never gets replaced.

Folks have kids, folks move away for school–for life–for jobs, and people do what they must. Our priorities are ourselves these days, I guess we all grow up and out, eventually. Thats the ONLY thing that bothers me about approaching the quarter life. Taking care of my own and the man is not a problem. Going full speed with my career is nothing, a struggle no doubt, but I’m taking it head on, its not a problem.

WHAT SUCKS about reaching the quarter life is having no one to enjoy it with. I guess thats why I try to make it out more now that ever. Its my attempt to enjoy my youth, especially with my newfound financial independence.

I think the difficult part is finding people to spend time with. It has always been difficult for me to find people who are worth investing into. It sounds f_cked but its true, I don’t like being obligated to people who haven’t invested into me. There is a huge difference between a friend and an acquaintance. A friend is someone you spend time with outside normal meetings and on a semi-regular basis, I don’t really do that with people. ITS HARD. I am not saying its hard to socialize, I have no problem socializing or making small talk, I have a problem giving up my time for people who haven’t already passed the test.

When you do make friends, they are usually for a specific sub-set of your life, you can’t invite them to everything, or they only know a surface-toned-down version of yourself.

What I guess I am trying to say is that the people I love the most, the people who are closest to me, down-since-high-school-homies, are all slipping away, and the process officially started a while ago. Pretty soon there will be no one to bother to come out and hit a dance floor, have a bbq with, or buy a round of drinks for. My friend ration of quality over quantity is evaporating before my eyes.

There is so much call for celebration these days there is barely anyone to celebrate with.

The quarter life is a beautiful thing to me, I’ve lived my life as it were a checklist and I’ve done it all in order, the only thing thats missing is the people to enjoy it with.

If my life were a drama on film

In the scene where I wake up from being in a coma this song plays: